The Magic School Bus is getting a reboot because aside from having the best original programming, Netflix is known for rebooting absolute garbage from our childhood.
The Magic School Bus is a show everyone barely remembers, but swears made their childhood because everyone is a predictable lemming who swarms to popular opinion like they swarm to Facebook posts about how much they love being hungover at brunch.
Piss off, Jessica.
To further prove my point, I’m going to break down the new trailer Netflix released.
It’s been 20 years and these dumb-dumbs are still in grade school. Apparently the school still operates without accreditation because the kids who are kidnapped on acid-tripped adventures have yet to learn how to multiply.
Oh, look its Ms. Frizzle, who is still unmarried.
For a moment, I imagine everyone seeing this trailer for the first time is getting excited because, after peaking in college, old TV shows are all they have to look forward to now.
“It’s the Frizz,” you silently exclaim to yourself while crying because this is what your life is now; occasionally going to brunch and getting excited about reboots.
That moment of excitement is brief because the show rips away Ms. Frizzle for a completely new and fresh character of the same last name.
Fiona Felicity Frizzle…Ms. Frizzle’s sister.
F**k you, Netflix.
Bad writing is like pornography, I can’t fully explain what it is, but I know it when I see it. I should know, too, because both are all over my laptop’s hard drive. Reboot the show, or don’t. It’s like inviting everyone over for Thanksgiving and instead of turkey, which is aged and beloved, you serve kale, which is new and sucks.
Anyway…queue the montage of dumb science things.
During this montage, allow me to briefly say that Full(er) House sucked and is the worst show on Netflix. The worst. I would recommend the documentary turning everyone vegan before I would recommend this hot, wet trash can.
What’s more annoying than the original cast of Full House? The original cast of Full House after they aged. It’s the same stuff but everyone got older. That’s it. They rebooted the show by calling it Full(er) House (WINK, WINK, DO YOU GET IT). But what the house was full(er) of was s**t.
Danny Tanner was the worst character on the show. Not only because he was the overused trope of a character (Oh garsh, I’m a dad but I wear an apron and I’m a neat freak and my wife is dead) but because I cannot get past the fact that he’s played by Bob Saget.
Anyway, montage over.
“I don’t remember this being on the permission slip.”
I know Arnold is supposed to be 12 or something, but he is such a cuck. He should be used to these fever dream field trips by now, and yet every time the gang wants to shrink down and violate a stranger just to see how the body digests a bagel, Arnold is A) scared to death after nearly dying on trips before and B) shocked because he was under the impression that this would be a “normal” field trip
“GOODNESS ME, I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A NORMAL FIELD TRIP TO THE CITY’S AQUARIUM!”
I hope the living bus eats him.
The new Frizz is played by Katie McKinnon because apparently that’s the cool thing to do now to get people to be somewhat interested.
“Oh my gosh, Katie McKinnon is the new Frizz? Ho-ho-boy! Watch out! She is perfect for this role!”
Katie McKinnon is like Step-Brothers; both are painfully unfunny and I have no idea why people think otherwise, other than the fact they’re morons.
Please send all “Katie McKinnon is funny/you’re a sexist” emails to firstname.lastname@example.org.
The trailer ends with Ms. Frizzle, who is now a professor, which means she gets to correct everyone mid-sentence to tell them she did not go to school for 9 years to be called Ms. Frizzle.
Anyway, she’s hate-watching this trailer from the parking lot where the show dumped her ass.
She also has a monkey, which even for a show about defying time, space, and reason, loses me completely because the primate is not ripping her face and appendages off.