I have to get to the airport 19 hours early to go through the TSA checkpoint, which is basically three guards telling me I’m doing everything wrong and refusing to tell me what I should be doing.
“Sir please stop that.”
“Sir please move forward.”
“But there’s no room. Seven people are in fr—”
“SIR! Stop doing that. Last time I’m going to tell you.”
“TELL ME WHAT!”
Then I have to moon the people behind me because my belt is off. Wonderful. Time to sprint to Cinnabon before my flight boards.
Oh good they’re calling the groups now.
“Group 1 welcome aboard. Group 2 welcome aboard. Hey Group 3, how the hell are you?
“Okay the rest of you cheap pigs can get on now.”
Now I have to nap next to this small man for 2 hours. The size difference is so evident I look like a gorilla at the zoo napping next to a cat.